Category Archives: Single Motherhood

God Bless the Stay-at-Home Mom

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Tropical Storm Debby has thwarted our plans for the week.  We had to leave the beach house and head to my grandmother’s home due to flooding.  I definitely didn’t plan on this.

I didn’t pack one. single. toy.  I was sure we would be spending all morning at the beach, then heading back to the house for lunch and a nap and then finding things to keep up occupied every afternoon.  Littleman loves to be outside.  He always chooses to be outside playing with nature over being inside playing with toys.  I know this and figured that it wouldn’t be worth the bother packing toys.  My mistake.  I never imagined that we wouldn’t be able to get outside for days at a time.

Now what the hell am I supposed to do?

I am not prepared for this.  I work.  I don’t stay at home with littleman.  I don’t have any tricks up my sleeve.  I don’t pin these types of things on Pinterest because generally if littleman can’t go outside due to weather that is usually not a problem I have to solve.  This is his teacher’s issue.  If it does happen that we are stuck in the house for a weekend, we are at home surrounded with all kinds of things to do.  We can invite friends over.  I may not have a great yard, but I have a great house for playing inside.  We bake cookies.  We find something to do around town that takes place inside.  We live in a metropolitan area and there are plenty of options.  Not to mention he has all his toys.  It is only for a weekend we are stuck inside.  We will both be back at school on Monday.

This week we’ve been doing the best we can.

We’ve already done the one thing that I remember a friend of mine’s mom did with us when we were little – we made homemade play dough. Thank God I have a smartphone with an unlimited data plan. Thank God there was one place in the beach house I got service. At home littleman can play with play dough for hours. This week he has only wanted to do it for about ten minutes. That’s right folks, 1-0 minutes. Next…

Because my grandmother lives in a small town she is in an area that has an Imagination Library program, which means littleman gets a brand new book each month. My grandmother keeps the books at her house for him because she thinks we already have enough books at our house. I don’t think you can ever have too many books, but my grandmother is wise.  Boy, have those books ever come in handy.

The evacuation this morning gave littleman some entertainment.  He watched me from the screen door as I loaded the car in ankle deep water.  He loved hearing about how I waded through knee deep water to the backyard to turn off the gas tank.  Seeing the beach house surrounded by a lake was a huge topic of conversation for a while, but didn’t last after we actually got out of town and honestly I was not much up for talking about it.  I was just glad we made it out safely.

So now we are at the other house, same situation.

Littleman didn’t get a nap today.  I can count on two hands the number of times he has missed a nap, but what did he have to be tired from?  I let him “rest” on the couch while watching PBS.

By late afternoon we were both going nuts and we were both on the verge of melt-downs.  I begged my grandmother to let me go to the grocery store for her.  We had to get out of this house.

I drove slowly to the store and meandered around the store several times even though all we needed was bread and milk.  I drove slowly home.  I was in no rush to get back to the house.

We got back, had dinner and littleman was asleep by 8, but it didn’t happen without taking a toll on both of us.

All I have been able to think is, “Thank God I don’t do this all the time.”

I have never thought that stay-at-home moms have it easy.  Yes, there are mornings where I would love to not have to have us both ready and out of the house by 7:15 a.m.  Sure, I get jealous of my stay-at-home mom friends laid back schedule from time to time, but I know that I couldn’t do it day-after-day.  It isn’t who I am.  I am a better mom because I work.  I know that and am not ashamed to say it.  This week is defintiely a I’ve-walked-a-mile-in-your-shoes-and-am-ready-to-return-them reminder of that.

God bless all you stay-at-home moms.  Y’all are much better souls than me.

Gonna Make You Sweat – Yeah, I Wish

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Generally I am not one of those single moms who cries “poor me!” all the time. I think I have a pretty good attitude about single motherhood and all that goes along with it. Honestly there are a lot of great things about being a single mom, but no situation is perfect – single mom or married mom.

{Do you realize no one ever uses the term married mom? Things that make you go hmmm… (Last C+C Music Factory reference. Promise.)}

While most things are great, there is one thing that drives me more crazy more than any other. Exercise eludes me.

I would love to take a nice long walk. I would love to go on a run. I would love to take Zumba or yoga or even just go to the gym.

I don’t do any of these things.

Now, I realize that anything is possible. I realize that if exercise was really a priority to me I could make it happen. I realize that there are any number of exercise programs I could do at the house – P90X, anyone?

Here’s my reality…

I work at a school. There is no lunch hour.

If my stay-at-home mom friends don’t have the time to break up a 30-minute session into three ten-minute sessions, how the heck am I going to have time to?

After a full day of work and being away from my son for nine plus hours I don’t want to have a sitter come over to watch him. I want to be with him.

I could put him in the jogging stroller, but he is no longer a baby. He doesn’t want to be stuck in the stroller. And from my standpoint – let’s face it, pushing 40 pounds is a lot different than pushing 20.

I don’t like to exercise at the house. I either want to get outside and enjoy nature while exercising or I want to be a part of a group activity. I bought the Zumba DVDs. I can’t express how depressing it is to do those alone.

My son doesn’t leave me alone long enough to do one set of any exercise. An entire workout is out of the question. If you have successfully maintained any kind of exercise program in the house with a young child, I need to know your secret. Yes, I probably could do it after my son goes to bed, but…

After my son goes to bed I am tired. Many nights I go to bed right after he goes to sleep fall asleep with him, wake up in the middle of the night and move to my room. Those nights I am lucky to get my teeth brushed.

I get frustrated and jealous when I see folks out running because I want to be running too. It is a visual reminder that I don’t get to exercise like I would like to.

I keep reminding myself that this won’t always be the situation. Soon enough my son can go on a walk with me without stopping to inspect every stick. Soon enough he will not only be running with me, but he will be leaving me behind in his dust. Soon enough I can go on a run while he is at (fill-in-the-blank) practice. Soon enough he will be old enough that I can leave him sleeping at home while I go to boot camp. Soon enough I will be complaining because he isn’t home enough and I will have plenty of time to go the gym.

This too shall pass. Hang onto your son’s childhood because it will pass in the blink of an eye and you will then wish you had it back. Blah, blah, blah… Heard it all before, and logically I get it. Unfortunately the logic isn’t making me feel any better physically.

Right now I need to exercise.

How Did You Start Your Morning?

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The very first words out of my mouth this morning were, “Well, put down your rake.” My son had just woken up, came to find me and started climbing in my lap, trusty rake in hand.

I won’t let him sleep with the rake. I would let him sleep with it, but he knows it is either the rake or me. He would much rather have me lay down with him while he nods off to dreamland than sleep with the rake, although there are evenings I wish he would choose the rake over me. I digress…

He lays said rake by his bed when he goes to sleep at night and it is the first thing he grabs in the morning. I love to have him climb in my lap, but I refuse to be assaulted by a rake as he is doing it.

Right now it is the rake. Sometimes is a golf club. Other times it is a wooden dowel from his easel that he calls his “Bible candle” that serves as leaf blower, fishing rod, water hose or any number of other things – rarely having anything to do with the Bible. These items exist only to replace a stick because I will not allow sticks in the house.

Okay, I might allow a stick in the house, but what my son calls a stick most people would refer to as a branch. Minimum length – 3 feet. Minimum diameter – 1 inch. These are minimums remember.

I think he has the largest collection of sticks in existence. He finds them anywhere and everywhere and saves them all. He can spot them in the most hidden of places. He recently crawled into a flower bed and under bush at our local botanical garden to retrieve a stick he just couldn’t pass up. I promise you no one knew it was there. If an employee from the garden saw it they would have immediately removed it because it was not part of the display.

The sticks are all relegated to the garage. Most of the time they are corralled in his wagon, which he affectionately calls his “stick wagon.” Seriously? We have a wagon only for sticks? We only have one wagon. You can see where my son’s priorities lie.

He doesn’t suck his thumb. He doesn’t have a blanket. He doesn’t have a lovey. Trust me, I have tried. My son’s security comes in the form of a stick or similar substitute. The good news – sticks can be found anywhere. Although he is always on the lookout for the holy grail of sticks, he always has a place holder, or two, or three at the ready.

When I became a mother I never expected that very first words out of my mouth in the morning would ever be “Well, put down your rake.” I always thought each day would start with me giving my son a big smile, a big hug and an energetic and upbeat “Good morning!”

What I realized is that is doesn’t matter what the first words out of my mouth were this morning. What matters is that my son climbed in my lap first thing this morning and he didn’t mind putting down his rake. Mom still trumps the rake – at least for today. Love that boy.

He Really Brought Up My Biological Clock?

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I went to dinner with a friend of mine recently. At dinner he asked me several pointed questions and made a few observations, which quite honestly rocked my world. Here is the crux of our conversation…

Him: Are you dating?

Me: No.

Him: Why not?

Me: I am not interested in dating. I have a son to raise and he is my number one priority.

Him: So, you want to spend your life alone?

Me: {what I thought – ouch! no, but you just don’t get it. you are in your mid to late 20s and you are at such a different place in your life. you don’t have a clue!} what I said – Not necessarily, but I am just not there yet.

Him: So you don’t want any more children?

Me: {what I thought – ouch, ouch!} what I said – It’s complicated. If you had asked me how many children I wanted when I was your age I definitely wanted more than one. Now things are not that simple. I have one and I am thankful that I have one.

Him: But if you met the right guy you would be willing to / want to have more children?

Me: {what I thought – that is never going to happen so I don’t even need to go there.} what I said – [cue crickets]

Him: I mean, don’t take this the wrong way, but your biological clock is ticking.

Me: {what I thought – are you kidding?!? you did not actually say that?!?} what I said – [insert polite chuckle] Yes, I know, but I am not all that concerned about it.

Him: You just deserve to be happy and I want you to be happy.

Me: I know and I appreciate it. I am just not interested in dating right now. I will tell you what I have told everyone else – when my son graduates from high school I will worry about that then. It is only 15 years away.

Him: You realize you will be in your 50s?

Me: {what I thought – you did not just go there. you are unreal. 50s. that is so much different than 30s or even 40s. wait – let me do the math. yep, I will be 51. about to be 52. what?!? holy…!!!} what I said: No, I never really thought about it, but thanks for pointing that out.

Him: I’m not saying that you can’t find someone great once you are in your 50s, but… I mean, look at that guy – you could find someone like him. (Imagine an overweight balding man with glasses wearing socks with sandals, plaid shorts and a shirt that matched if you were squinting.)

Me: {what I thought – oh, God, help!}

I believe that God puts each person in your life for a reason. My friend is blunt, yes, but honest and I need more people in my life who will be 100% honest with me. I haven’t processed it all, but he has given me a ton of things to think about.

Let me be clear. My son is my number one priority, but I am also very aware that he will grow up. While right now I am the center of his world, I won’t always be and shouldn’t be. I refuse to be one of those moms who has an emotional death grip on her son, hanging onto him because she is all he’s got. Poor kid will need enough therapy as it is without adding that dimension. I know it is up to me to make sure this doesn’t happen.

Where does dating come into all this?

It is complicated – very complicated. Enter new category – Dating. Lots to process. Lots to figure out. Stay tuned.

Working for a Bigger Purpose

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This weekend I read a post, Working for a Bigger Purpose, on Michael Hyatt’s website.

If you don’t have the time to go read the whole post, the gist of it is this: “Our bigger purpose can be found in the here and now, in the jobs we have, right under our noses. And when we find and live this purpose, it will provide the ultimate fuel for a meaningful life.”  In other words, we don’t have to cure cancer or move thousands of miles away to a less fortunate part of the world to make a difference.

The question at the end of the post was:  What is the bigger purpose for which you are working?

I don’t always comment on posts, but I felt compelled to comment on this post and want to share my comment with you here.

I have reached the pinnacle of my career at my current school.  To advance any more I would have to take another position at a different school.  I love my school and have no desire to leave.  People don’t always understand and ask, “Why don’t you want to continue to advance your career?”

It isn’t about my career.  It is about the students at my school.  They need me as much as any other students in any other school.

It is also about my son.  I am a single mom and while the title on my name tag says Assistant Principal, the title on my heart says Mama.  My job is to raise him to be a contributing member of society and to help him make the world a better place.

I may not ever do anything amazing per the definition of other people, but I am helping lay the foundation for other people do amazing things one day.

What is the bigger picture for which you are working?

Who, What, and How

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Interested in my answers to the following questions?

What is the age/gender of your child?

Where do you work?

What has been one of the greatest joys of motherhood?

What has been one of the greatest challenges of motherhood?

How has your perspective changed since becoming a mother?

What is the funniest thing you have heard your child say?

Finish the phrase, “I never thought I’d…”

What is one kid-related item that you can’t live without?

What is your favorite children’s book?

What is the most challenging transition you have faced as a mom so far?

Head over to MomColoredGlasses to find out.

A Single Reality

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It could happen at the park, in church, at the grocery store, at a play date.  It has happened to me in all of these places and more.  I am engaged in small talk with a woman I am just getting to know and she asks me, “What does your husband do?”  This is when I take a deep breath and tell her, “I’m divorced.”

Please join me at MomColoredGlasses to read the rest.

 

Bringing it all together

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Up to this point I have been keeping several different blogs, each having a different focus.  There have been many occasions when I couldn’t decide which blog I wanted to post on because the topic I wanted to write about did not fit neatly into one particular area.  I decided it was time to bring it all together at Simple Moments.  Here you will find posts on:

  • faith
  • simple living
  • children
  • single motherhood
  • relationships with friends and family
  • money
  • goals
  • education
  • work
  • our home
  • love
  • exercise
  • self care
and a myriad of other things, I am sure.
I will be transferring some posts from my other blogs over the next several weeks, which should help give you some insight and some background.  I can’t promise that everything you read here will be pretty, but I can promise you that it will be real.
Welcome to Simple Moments.  Thanks for stopping by.

He Loves Me, He REALLY Loves Me

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Last night I took my cousins to dinner to celebrate their respective graduations – two different high schools, one college.  My son stayed with his grandfather.  He stood at the door waving good-bye, super excited about the guys night ahead with Papa.  As I pulled out of the driveway and watched him standing with his Papa at the door, I couldn’t help but wonder how much he really needs me.

When my son is with his dad or other family members, I always take a back seat so that my son can spend as much time as possible with the people he doesn’t get to see all the time.  I try not to interfere.  Because of this few people even see me active in my role as a mom.

As a single mom, I don’t get reassurance from other people that I am doing the right thing as a mom.  No one sees what I am doing on a daily basis.  No one sees how we interact with one another.

This is where my faith in God is key.  Everyday I pray that God helps make me the best mother I can be and I ask Him to let me know that I am doing a good job.

Last night when I got home my son was already in bed.  I went to my room to change clothes and when I came out he was out of bed standing in his doorway.  As soon as he saw me he opened his arms wide and bounced on his toes without saying a word.  I went to him and picked him up.  He wrapped his arms around me tightly, squeezed hard and buried his face in my neck whispering, “Mama!”

Yes, he loves me.  He needs me.

It is by the grace of God that I am who I am as a mother and I am so thankful that God works through my son to let me know that I am doing a good job.

The Tractor Arrived at the Perfect Time

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My son’s nails were much too long and I have a scratch on my face to prove it – my own special Mother’s Day gift. For three days now we have been struggling with one another about cutting his nails. He was having none of it and I am not fond of wielding a sharp object around a flailing toddler.

This morning I knew I couldn’t drop him off at school again with nails as sharp as razor blades. It is one thing for him to scratch me. It is another thing completely for him to scratch a teacher or another child. Please know, he doesn’t scratch on purpose. His nails were just that long.

I tried to cut his nails at home. No luck. I tried once I got him in the stroller, but before we left for school. No luck. I was going to try again before we crossed the street, but the light was in our favor and we didn’t have to stop this morning.

We arrived on campus and I knew we needed to stop before we got too close to the ELC (Early Learning Center), but far enough that he had settled into the ride. Once we arrived on the final stretch of sidewalk, I knew it was time.

I put the brake on the stroller, pulled out the clippers and told my son, “It is time to cut your nails.” He shook his head no and squeezed his fists tight. I tried to pry a finger out of his grip, but with no luck. Then I noticed that something caught his eye.

I looked and saw the large riding mower cutting the grass on the field right across the street from where the stroller was parked. I asked my son, “Do you want to watch the tractor?” He nodded his head yes. I told him, “If you want to watch the tractor, I have to cut your nails.” Without taking his eyes off the tractor he gave me his hand.

I cut the nails on one hand and then cut the nails on his other hand. He didn’t take his eyes off the tractor.

Just as I was cutting his last nail the tractor drove down the field out of sight. My son said good-bye to the tractor and we headed off to the ELC.

As a single mom I don’t always have other people in my life to directly help me with my son, but I always am thankful for God’s presence in moments such as this one this morning. God put that tractor in the perfect time and place to help me when I needed it.

Thank you, Lord, for tractors and for always assisting me in unique ways.